Another Form of Stuck

Being oblivious is another form of stuck. I am not talking about avoidance, or turning a blind eye, but rather being completely unaware. Those unconscious parts of oneself are real even when they go unseen. They exist.

I recently had an example of this on two different levels.

The first was related to the process of selling our home. As we moved through to the inspection phase there were two significant issues that were revealed to us. Evidently with older homes they now run mini-cameras through sewer lines. We were unaware of any problem but the inspectors were able to determine that there was a weakness that would eventually create a failure. Next, an old crack in the basement wall, that had been repaired before our time, became the subject of many debates.  Three structural engineers later, each with a different view of severity and solution had my husband and I dazed and confused.  This lovely old home that appeared so strong at first glance was flawed.

The second example relates to this old “house” that I live in…the one I carry with me everywhere I go. As we moved into deeper levels of uncertainty about the state of our home and how much it would cost to resolve the issues, my physical body became noticeably stressed.  Sleep disruption, exhaustion and anxiety quickly impacted my well-being. I thought I was pretty centered and grounded, and then I wasn’t.  This old girl who appeared to be on solid ground was brought down by ambiguity.

I have been observing myself these past few days, and what I realize is that my sense of security is strongly linked to how I manage my physical environment. I carefully build a fortress in my own mind. A place that keeps me safe.

I remind myself that the crack was there all along. Not knowing doesn’t change things…except my reality.

Flaws are the outcome of the world pushing on us, and how we give in to that pressure in small and big ways. Just like my sweet old house is slowly giving way under the earth’s power, I give way with uncertainty and ambiguity. These are not events deserving of shame, but a complex and intricate part of the richness that creates our character.

Down deep below our consciousness are truths that when revealed can unhinge our reality.  Staying oblivious is another form of being stuck.  The Cycle of Transformation begins with feeling enough safety inside yourself to explore new and deeper levels of awareness.

If you like this blog, I think you will like my book the Cycle of Transformation. Available for order soon!



Deb Siverson is a seasoned executive coach, certified as a PCC through the International Coach Federation.  If you want to schedule time to discuss how you or your organization can increase engagement through the development of the leader within contact us now.



Waking Up on the Same Side of the Bed

My husband and I had an interesting conversation the other night.  We were getting ready for bed, and I mentioned how curious it is that we are stuck in a pattern related to our bed.  I don’t mean anything risqué by this comment.  I mean that over the course of the last twenty-five years, I crawl into bed on the left side and he crawls in to bed on the right.  We don’t talk about it.  We don’t think about it.  That’s just how we roll. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but it is interesting that at some point we claimed our space and now we repeat a ritual night after night without giving it another thought.  Until we did.

As he and I have gotten older, we both have problems sleeping soundly through the night.  I got to wondering, what if shaking things up by switching up the way we always do things makes a difference.  I mean, who knows what might happen?  We agreed it might be fun to try it out and see what happens, and then we went to sleep, me on the left and him on the right.  That conversation took place several days ago and we have yet to change our pattern.

This whole idea of being stuck in a pattern is intriguing to me.  Especially the patterns that might be a bit destructive.  Example: we have a teenager at home.  There are times when he wants to assert his power and independence, which is exactly what he should be doing, but does it in a way that feels disrespectful.  I started to notice in myself a tendency to sometimes ignore the behavior.  Partly, because it is just not worth taking the time to remind him to watch his tone.  I even consciously decide to make light of it and not let his moody attitude impact my positive mood.  But last week I noticed that we had formed a pattern, where he thought it was okay to talk to me in a way that I could no longer tolerate. I realized I had to respond differently.  I did, and so did he.

Now I am watching for patterns everywhere.  Where else do I perpetuate what I don’t want, and yet haven’t been able to identify the cycle so I can shake things up?  I’m excited about the proposition of pushing where I was pulling, or just doing nothing at all.  I reminded my husband last night that I really want to wake up soon on the wrong side of the bed.  I hope everyone around me is going to have as much fun poking at this as I am!